I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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