how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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