I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
