Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
