The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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