Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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