the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
