just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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