Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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