He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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