the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone came in the potted fern
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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