Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize