Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
