I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
