How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
