Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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