it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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