Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
