You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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