i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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