Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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