You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
