Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
