Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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