When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You ruined the universe
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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