oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
