My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They took my balls.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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