He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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