I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
