This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
