ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
