I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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