So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
