Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
