I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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