so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
