Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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