I just pynch a tree in the face
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
