Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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