I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
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We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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