Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
