Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
