i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
