Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
