My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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