Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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