A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The uberlube is also flammable
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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