there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
