Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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