This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A+ Viking dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize