News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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