Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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