dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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