The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
