Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
