alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
