the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
