yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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