She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
