Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize