So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
