i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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