Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
