she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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