can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
