she woke up with a sticky ear
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
