eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
