youre lurking in front of me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
