tonight lets celebrate not being married
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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