Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
