everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
