I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
