Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
